By Clayton Max
Author of Infatuation Scripts
So much of the advice we hear these days about love seems to blame women for not being “enough” for the man they want. Magazine articles promise that if a woman can just “be better” — a better listener, a better kisser, a better partner, THEN she’ll get the relationship she so badly wants.
While the intention behind these articles is (sometimes) good, it can lead women to feel like there’s something wrong with them if they don’t have the relationship they want.
In my more than 12 years of experience helping women get the love they want, I’ve found that most women don’t need to change much at all. They just have a few little habits of communicating or relating which are covering up their most attractive selves.
So to counter this, I wanted to offer some EMPOWERING advice for women wanting to improve their love lives.
1. Don’t sacrifice your connection with YOURSELF for connection with a man
Sometimes, we want a connection with another person so badly that we’re willing to do anything to get it.
We change our tastes to match theirs. We go along with things we don’t really want to do in order to please them.
And while it’s good to be open to exploring new interests or appreciating new things your partner might suggest, if you find yourself compromising your values or sacrificing important goals in order to attract or keep a man around, you’re heading in the wrong direction.
When you sacrifice your integrity, or you compromise your values, not only will you lose respect for yourself. But he’ll often lose respect for you as well.
2. Stay connected to your community
When you first meet someone, it can be so thrilling you just want to spend all of your free time together. And while this is a natural impulse in the first few weeks or months, don’t forget to nurture your other relationships as well.
You’ve probably heard the expression “it takes a village to raise a child”. Well the same is true of great relationships.
The more connected you are to your friends and your community, the stronger your relationship has the capacity to be. The strongest relationships are the ones in which both partners have communities OUTSIDE the relationship.
3. Don’t try to change his mind, instead change how he FEELS
It might seem like men are illogical. Why does he say he wants certain qualities in a woman but then seems interested in women who have none of those qualities? The truth is, attraction has its own kind of logic.
It doesn’t care what he thinks he wants, or what he SHOULD want. Which is why trying to convince him to want you — using logic and reason — never works.
Instead, if you trigger the right emotions in him, then he’ll convince himself that he can’t live without you.
To learn how to stir up the one powerful emotion that makes a man absolutely sure you’re the one for him, Click Here.
4. Compromise, but never settle
Nobody is perfect. And it’s important to accept some of a man’s flaws, just as you hope he’ll accept yours.
But when you’re “compromising” on important things like being treated with respect, or feeling like a priority, then it no longer feels like a healthy compromise. It feels like you’re settling for less than you deserve.
When a client isn’t sure if she’s compromising or settling in her relationship, I’ll often ask her “If you continued as you have been in this relationship for 6 months, or a year, or several years, who would you become as a result?
Would you be more or less like the person you want to be? Would you become more meek, or more timid, or more angry?
Or would this compromise help you grow as a person?
If you’d feel diminished as a person by a certain compromise, then you’re settling, and you shouldn’t do it.
5. Respect the natural pace of things
As exciting as it can be to meet someone new and fall in love, it can also be a time of great anxiety.
The desire to move past the uncertainty phase and get to a place of safety and security is sometimes overwhelming.
You might find yourself continually wondering “What if he doesn’t love me back the way I love him?” “What if he leaves me?” “What if he discovers I’m not who he thought I was?” “What if he meets someone he likes more?”
It’s important to recognize that these anxieties are natural in the beginning phases of getting to know someone.
And if you try to rush past them to advance your relationship too quickly, it’s like tugging on a flower in order to get it to grow.
You may end up killing things before they have a chance to really blossom.
6. Be generous with your appreciation
One of the best predictors of success in a relationship, is how much appreciation the two people express for each other.
But sometimes we become stingy with our appreciation.
We don’t want to thank him for helping with the dishes because he should be doing them anyway.
But when you start to withhold appreciation, the relationship suffers.
It’s well known by psychologists that you get more of the behavior you reward, and less of the behavior you don’t.
So if you’re withholding appreciation because it’s “not enough”, you’ll continue to be frustrated with him for a long time.
7. Have the courage to be vulnerable (Courageous communication)
I get it. Opening up is scary.
There’s a risk in opening your heart, and you don’t want to tell him how you feel about him until he tells you how he feels about you.
But there’s something powerful about owning your interest in someone.
Being able to say “I like you. And this is what I want”, rather than pretending you could take it or leave it with him.
Intimacy grows when both people take steps towards each other in vulnerability and make it safe for the other to do so.
If you constantly guard your heart, you can never truly let someone else in.
8. Let him do things for you
Deep down, a lot women don’t believe they have much to offer to a relationship.
So they think that being easygoing, undemanding, and generous are what will make a man want to stick around.
As a result, they’re very comfortable doing things for their partner, but very uncomfortable letting him do things for them. But when you’re the one who’s always doing things for him, the relationship starts to fall out of balance.
You need to give HIM the opportunity to do things for you. Because the more time, effort and energy he invests in you and your relationship, the more strongly he’ll feel for you.
This is called “The Investment Effect”, and it’s a powerful driver of attraction.
To learn more about the Investment Effect and how it leads to overwhelming feelings of infatuation in a man, go here to watch a special video presentation
9. You’re not doing things for ‘him’, you’re doing them for the relationship
When a woman feels resentful doing things for her partner, I often suggest she thinks of their relationship as a “third entity”. In other words, there’s her, there’s him, and there’s the relationship.
And you need to invest in all three of them if you want your relationship to thrive.
Try thinking of your relationship as its own entity which needs to be nurtured, and cared for, and invested in if it’s going to thrive
10. Focus on “infatuation”
The #1 mistake I see women making in their love lives, is trying to making a man LIKE them.
Most women think if a guy ‘likes’ her, then naturally he’ll want to be her boyfriend.
But the truth is, men don’t choose a woman based on how much they LIKE her. They choose her based on how INFATUATED they are with her.
Once a guy becomes infatuated, something weird happens in his brain: The parts that control ‘rational thinking’ literally shut down. So whatever objections he had before to being with her (or to settling down in general), simply vanish from his mind.
And all he can focus on, is making her his.
If you want to know how to trigger a man’s infatuation instinct and make him absolutely sure you’re the only one for him, follow this link…
Go here to discover how to activate his Infatuation Instinct
I hope you enjoyed this article.
Warm wishes,
Clayton Max
Author of Infatuation Scripts